"Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to let you in."

-- Robert Frost

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

It's like pulling teeth

Nobody likes shoddy service. But when that happens, I do try to think of the unseen circumstances that might be playing out in that person's life. I mean ... I was a waitress once. Days where I was a crummy waitress were usually a result of a sudden overwhelming influx of tables, failure to be able to keep up, a preoccupied mind or even exhaustion over the menial nature of the job.

Let's take my friend the Tooth Fairy for instance. I'm callin' it like it is .... she's lousy. But maybe she's got good reason.

She started out great around here. She was prompt with the cash and topped the deal off with gum or mints. Those were good days. Then her gum stash depleted.

There followed the days where it became necessary to make excuses for her tardy behavior.
  • Weekends are busy times.
  • She doesn't work on Sundays.
  • It might take her awhile to find our new house.
  • You kids hadn't gone to bed before she made her rounds through our neighborhood.
  • Maybe old age is limiting her ability to carry so many teeth in one night.
  • It could be a vacation day for her, you don't know.
  • Perhaps she had too much to drink last night at a party inhibiting her ability to gather teeth ... followed by a rant regarding the dangers of parties and drinking as a distraction in another direction.
I've quit making excuses for her pathetic work ethic.

Poor toothless Janie. She lost a tooth six weeks ago. It's been on her bedside table for the last little while because she was afraid the Tooth Fairy had been struggling night after night to find the little thing under her pillow. Three days ago, she lost another and it joined the first on the night stand. I offered to save her the trouble and buy them off her since we all know the Tooth Fairy is a lush.

She wouldn't have it.

Last night, as I understand it, the Tooth Fairy had a dream. She dreamed she was waking up in the dark of the morning, swung out of bed to start her day and headed into the bathroom. She flipped on the light and there taped in the middle of the bathroom mirror was a bloody molar.

Nothing like a nightmare to bolt one upright in the dark of the night and send them scrambling with a fist full of cash from the change can on the dresser.

Poor Tooth Fairy.

Maybe she should write reminders on her hand so she will remember as she washes her face before bed at night. (Pay no attention to her dry, chapped hands. She spends her days scrubbing the floors of her molar castle in a very dry climate.)

Then again, maybe she won't see the reminders because she, in reality, is not blinded by drunken partying but rather by exhaustion from science fair projects, relearning algebra, dinner and it's dishes, folding that last load of laundry, helping edit a paper, ensuring that shoes, jackets and backpacks are properly stowed, assembling the next morning's lunches ....

Let's just give her the benefit of the doubt, shall we? Janie sure has. She stopped looking for Tooth Fairy cash about three weeks ago and had to be reminded to check this morning. She said she'd figured the Tooth Fairy was lying dead in a ditch somewhere.

I should have run with that.

I guess now, all that's left is to lower even further the expectations of the remaining children. One who has not lost any teeth yet and one that's only just begun to grow them.


  1. Ahhh...I do SO hear you! This was one of my very early blog posts! http://crayzdaze.blogspot.com/2008/10/tooth-fairy-woes.html

  2. The tooth fairy was very good to us. With the first two children. After that, she got very, very afraid. You see, Leigh Ann sleeps with one eye open. Literally. Who can blame the poor little flying pixie for not being willing to bring in the cash, night after night after night. And can you believe it extended to Savanah? Oh, wait, she shares a room with Leigh Ann. I sure do wonder if she will do better when the little boys start losing their teeth. Or if there will be another prime excuse in the making...... All I can say is this - sometimes being a good liar as a teenager SURE COMES IN HANDY!