"Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to let you in."

-- Robert Frost

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

In a moment

When I look at this picture I found, taken a year ago, I can still feel the weight of that baby laying across me.  I can feel the bouncing of her cheeks as she worked that pacifier against my chest.  I can smell the baby shampoo scent of her hair.  I imagine those arms draped so comfortably around my torso.  I remember the nagging in the back of my brain to loose that last bit of baby weight accompanied by the comforting reassurance that a nursing baby would do her job and our closeness would one day be so missed.  I was afraid to move, afraid to break the spell.

Janie sat beside me on Sunday watching a baby held over the shoulder of a grandparent on the bench in front of us. Eliza hung on my legs.  "Mom," Janie whispered to me, "doesn't it amaze you that Eliza was just that size and how quickly she learned to crawl and walk and become a little girl."

Her whisperings hurt and I squeezed my arm around her shoulders a little bit tighter.

"It amazes me that you were just that same size what seems like ten minutes ago," I whispered back in her ear.

And I spend the rest of the meeting holding back a flood of emotion.

I take pictures with my camera to remember what I can and when I can't, I close my eyes and breathe inwardly, reminding myself to capture this moment and never forget it.   I can't count the number of times I've lingered a hug, kissed one more time, soaked in the softness of skin or frozen a moment all the while telling myself, "Don't let this go, it will pass all too quickly."


  1. It is heartbreaking isn't it. My husband has started talking about vacations to take before kids start leaving us. What? That woke me up. Then our oldest received information about attending college his jr and sr year of high school....like actually going away....and attending college. I actually sent an e-mail to the president of the university thanking him for the invitation - but told him, honestly, that I didn't think I would be that courageous to let my son leave me 2 years early!

  2. This made me teary Marlow :) and my baby is still a baby :) It just goes WAY too fast doesn't it!! lovely words and picture. xo