"Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to let you in."

-- Robert Frost

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

This phase I'm in

My productivity feels low.

And I feel kind of stuck in a mess of sorts.

Mornings come early.  Routines roll to get everyone out the door.  And then this girl demands constant attention.  Don't get on the phone.  Don't dare touch the computer.  Just hold and read or cuddle with a movie or play "Dr. Who" with the toy medical kit (long story).  Baking usually involves a mess or two extra to clean up.  Cleaning involves too much help with gross toilet brushes.

Turn your back for an instant and something will be cut with scissors materialized out of nowhere.  Something will be stapled.  Shampoos will be dumped.  Markers will be found.  Lipsticks crushed.  Toothpaste eaten.

A reprieve would be nap time ... but ... since we moved to our "new bed" a nap requires a mom ... and more books ... and more cozy cuddling.

And warm beds make me fade really quickly.

A quick nap might be good but I just can't seem to make it quick.  I literally lose my eyeballs under the bed and wake up hours later searching for them so I can scramble to put life together before kids walk through the door.

And the day is done.

And then I realize how quickly she'll no longer wrap into a hand towel.  And I clean out some drawers and can't bare to throw out old favorites, so I leave them sitting in a pile on my bedroom floor as a reminder. 

The unproductive guilt is easily kept at bay as I know, down deep, this won't come again.  But, this week, I taught seminary and I walked away in love.  Every inch of me was drawn into the world of the youth and the reality of my season couldn't have been clearer. This girl would not let me study, or think, or read.

And for the first time ever, I was ready to move on.  It hurts to even think it, but there it was.  For the longest time, I've been mourning the passing of the inevitable.  And though I'll always adore everything baby, I think I'm finally ready to see what comes next.


  1. It's a bittersweet moment, isn't it. It happens much more easily if you go out with a bang like i did... ;)

  2. She's such a beauty! I love the pic of her in the hand towel. We too are in this stage - when nothing except play or reading can be accomplished when Sydney is around. She wants to help - but it creates so much more work. :)

  3. A new chapter...I think it is the tug of wanting to relax & cuddle and the pull of getting things done. Most importantly you realize it and are attempting to balance. And to realize that even if you can't stop them from growing up, that you can embrace it. hugs, cathy