"Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to let you in."

-- Robert Frost

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Pimp my ride

The night that Newel and I went off to sleep stunned that we were going to have another baby, was interrupted by a bathroom break around 3 am.  I'm pretty good at lurking around in the dark so as not to overly wake myself ... and others ... so's nobody can get back to sleep.

My trusty sidekick woke up for a sympathy bathroom break and turned on every light in the house.

So in the end, we were both awake and and staring into the darkness.  No breathing deepened telling me that sleep was immanent so I said to the silence,



"We'll be like the Von Trapps," I said, "Except without the singing ... and the governess."

"Seven," I heard him whisper over there in the black.

"So much for those ski passes this year ... and I guess I won't be joining y'all for the next few either."

"Yeah, ... sorry about that." he said.

"That's okay.  I've hit the point where I really just like to watch them follow you anyway."

More silence.

"We won't be able to fit around our kitchen table." says I.

"We won't be able to fit in this house." says he.

"We'll just have to shuffle ... and squeeze a bit." I said softly.

"Se...vvvv...ennnn", I heard sighed into the pitch, "That's an army ... or a team."


More contemplative quiet and then I said ...

"That's a lot of bodies in a Christmas card picture."

Wait for it.

"That's a lot of bodies in a Suburban."

"Wait," he perked up, "We won't all fit into the car!"

And that's where the wheels started spinning.  Now, I like big vans.  Don't get me wrong.  Every year that we go to the beach, we rent an airport van so large each child can have their own bench seat. Somehow, we are still pelted with cries of "he's touching me" but that's beside the point.  It is a comfortable ride for a family our size.

But ... he's got his heart set on the most monstrous of all vehicles.  The Sprinter Van.

It's not bad enough that the gal loading my groceries asked if I was running a daycare last time I took everyone to the store with me.  And believe me, I bit down hard not to ask politely if she really thought I'd take my daycare to the grocery store.  That's right.  What I should do is run errands in a bus.

Just in case you have no idea what a Sprinter Van is ... here's a mental image, and a story.  Think FedEx truck.

Newel takes Christian with him to help someone move in our church.  He calls me on the way home sounding like a kid in a candy shop. "Get your boots on and wait for me on the driveway.  I've got a present for you!"  That's not generally what a wife wants to hear after an elders quorum move.  It could mean anything.

But I complied.

And he came circling the driveway, both of them hanging out the window waving and honking and yelling, "Look what I got for YOU!", in this:

Complete with emergency exits on the windows and rows upon rows of seats — and that removable wrapper that Christian claimed made the thing cooler.

I'm pretty sure I yelled some choice words into the woods accompanied by "You did NOT!"

And he let me fume until morning that he would make such a purchase before he told me he'd just borrowed it from a friend to get my goat.

And the kids all piled in and buckled up for a joy ride.

And Celia exclaimed she would NEVER get into the car if we pulled up to the curb at the high school while moments later, she whispered that it would be awesome to cart the entire youth to the stake dances in.

And I said take it back.

And crushed his hopes and dreams.

And if you drive one of these, you are amazing. Though you can't go through a car wash or find parking near the door to haul your army across a parking lot, I applaud your apathy to public impression.  I'm just not ready to make that leap yet.

I think I'd rather publicly unload from a tiny car like clowns in a circus.

Besides ... it's just seven.  Not eight.


  1. Replies
    1. I know Mandy! I'm thinking Celia better get that license quickly so we can divide and conquer rather than suffer the school bus challenge :)

  2. hahahahahaha! that is SO funny! The whole story! your response to the van "you did NOT" and then the fact that it was only borrowed!! hahaha! oh and the lady at the grocery store too.......hahahaha! While I realise this may not be that funny to you, I'm so glad you shared it because I'm still laughing!!!! Good luck with the car (or van :) hunting :) xo

    1. Felicity .... I've got to laugh at myself too. Otherwise, what fun would life be ??

  3. Lol, Russ wouldn't even go for a big van!

  4. We outgrew our van with Baby #6. We have a friend who is a car dealer that gets stuff from the auto auction for us. We just give him a ballpark figure not to go over, and, obviously how many people we need to fit inside. Don't care about colors or features. We ended up with a high top van (meaning all 5'7" of me can walk up and down the aisle without having to stoop over, with leather seats, satellite dish on top (although it is flat), with a huge T.V. in the back.....oh, it even has a back up camera. I will send you a picture sometime. We have room for one more baby, should the Lord bless us with one. The people at our church do call it our bus....but really it is just a 9 passenger van. Of course we can't fit in parking garages or car washes (Rainman found out that last one the hard way)!

    1. Kayla ... I'd love a fun bus! Just not a school bus :)

  5. But old small school buses go very really cheap. And there is the added bonus of YELLOW, people can see it from afar so they are less likely to get in your way. :)

  6. Oh my Marlowe!! I am so curious as to what you will buy to accommodate your growing family?? Do I need to remind you that Celia will be driving soon? That will help ease the burden!! staying tuned! hugs, cathy

  7. Hahaha!! That was a cruel joke ;)
    Really, what will you get to fit everyone?